The Things About Having Kids

Mrs. B. wants to have a daughter because she wants to have a friend, a helper. She wants to have someone she can always count on. For Mr. A., it doesn't matter whether it's a son or daughter. He just wants to have someone he could leave behind everything to. He wants someone who's an extension of him to carry on in this life and perhaps be better than him. Mr. A. wants to immortalize himself because he's important to the universe. You're welcome, universe. Mrs. C. and Mr. B. love children. They love taking care of them. Mrs. C. and Mr. B. can't imagine a day when the children will be too grown to not need being taken care of. They hope to nurture their children to be caregivers too. The universe could use more. Children are people of themselves, in spite of the lineage. The daughter may never speak to her mother. The son may be ashamed of his father and the daughter may never take after her father. The children may turn out to be child killers. Turn on the news to see the evidence of what people's children grew up to be doing. This possibility, although highly improbable, is a valid concern (or so it would seem) for most people. I wish I could dig deeper into their true fear of having kids. I wish I knew.

Babies are these tiny things that are supposed to make sense later. It's like Don Draper said, you'll pretend to love them, to be proud of them, and to be happy because that's what you are supposed to feel. Until one day they do something and you feel pride, love, and everything else you've been pretending to feel and then you feel like your heart will explode. I assume you know Don Draper, because how could you have not seen Mad Men? He's only one of the greatest characters ever created on TV, but I digress.

https://youtu.be/zaKCQmag2zw?si=16_5I4_Yg_gYRySy

At moments like that, they'll make all the sense. In the meantime, you should just adore them, be responsible for them, inculcate values, and mold their attitudes toward kindness and compassion. 

When it is done well, nurturing kids is the most selfless thing a selfish person could do, and it is also the most selfish thing a selfless person could do. The Selfish would extend his care a bit further to something other than themselves, and the kid would be a door through which the Selfish’s nurture sips out to reach other people. It could be something as little as the kid sharing a meal or knowledge, provided to it by the Selfish, with a friend and empathy is fortified. For the Selfless, they would care for something as close enough as themselves.

The paradox of kids being an extension of you and at the same time not you, their own persons in fact, makes kids the seed of humanity literally and figuratively. They're a chance to breed empathy and compassion in ourselves and others.

One of my little fantasies is for good people to outnumber bad people by a million to one. This is to cut down their significance and make the world not just inherently good, but actually good. One is allowed to fantasize just like cynicism is allowed.

I want kids; a bit like Mrs. B. to one day have someone I can count on; a bit like Mr. A. to have an extension of myself that'll hopefully best me; a bit like Mrs. C. and Mr. B. because deep down I'm a nurturer. I feel no greater purpose like breeding empathy, cultivating compassion and maintaining peace. It's a unique joy to have your kid smile at you or laugh with you and to be responsible for it. Parenthood is a substantial piece in the completion of the human experience because unlike other experiences, it is harder to explain or convey to another person.

Some people long to experience parenthood, but can't. Some people don't want to or don't feel worthy of it. They'll go on and seek other ways to complete their human experience which can also be as beautiful. I like to think that those that don't want kids trust us. They must at least trust half of us to bring up our children well enough to be able to take care of the world. Or so I fantasize.

My little mission for my little fantasy is to raise my kid well. I make efforts to acknowledge kids when I see them, to teach them little things, to encourage them, and when I'm lucky, to inspire them to empathy and kindness. This is how I recruit them into the Good People battalion.